i always regarded showering in the evening with a fair bit of scepticism. of course you don't become dirty while sleeping, but what if you sweat and wake up stinky regardless? but on the other hand, the bathroom routine can take a long time when you factor in washing and drying long hair, shaving, plucking eyebrows, clipping toe nails et cetera. at the beginning of last winter i found it safe, temperature-wise, to save time in the mornings by accomplishing these feats in the evenings. soon i realized i could stay in bed even longer if i had the clothes for the day already layed out and my rucksack packed.

realising what a joy it is to wake up with so many obligations already taken care of, i began eating my breakfast toast and cornflakes for second dinner while watching the late night news. everything that hasn't transpired by then won't be in next day's morning paper either, so i cancelled that and was able to enjoy a little snooze on the subway to work.

before leaving the office, i got into the habit of rebooting the computer instead of shutting it down and already opening all the documents i would need the next day. i also prepared the e-mails i would send next morning – in fact, i set the computer to send them automatically at the right time – layed out the spreadsheets and graphs so the new numbers would only have to be filled in as they arrived, and invented witty replies to the moaning of sleepy colleagues. this would save me so much time the next day that i could spread out the tv programme on my office's desk and already decide what i would watch at the end of the day. the efficiency and emotional security of having fixed rituals persuaded me to shower right after coming home, as this would fit nicely, instead of interfere, with going out in the evening.

after a phase of contentment and satisfaction, these feelings gave way to doubt. in my quest to be well ahead of everyone else, i couldn't possibly have achieved perfection already, as there still were these nasty dead ends. for example, i had difficulties with having my invigorating cup of coffee before going to bed. but then came the breakthrough: i bought a notebook computer and used the time on the subway home for reading newsletters and filling out the time sheet for the work i would do on the next workday. with the newly gained time, i was able to prepare a lunch box with sandwiches that i could eat on the go or even at my desk, ready to be taken out of the fridge the next morning, which in turn enabled me to run personal errands in my lunch breaks.

this might seem like a small victory, but in fact it freed me from the straight jacket of shopping hours. thus i could work overtime, the calmness of the empty office aiding concentration, which finally gave another boost to my efficiency. i am not a workaholic; i rather found that i could get away with taking longer and longer lunch breaks. as the computer was still sending my e-mails, pretending to be fed with reports i had really already written on the previous day, all i needed to do was forward my office number to my cell phone, and no one missed me. sometimes i even 'attended' training courses by planting a dictaphone in the meeting room and listening to the recording later, at double speed. instead of having to suffer the sight of the wage slaves at the mouldy office, i went shopping, for a walk in the park, or to a matinee at the opera.

granted, there were some concessions to make. in order to maintain this luxurious lifestyle of enjoying spare time while others have to work, i had to do some more re-scheduling over the course of the last year. but in this age of digital answering machines, electronic banking, and video recorders, this isn't a big deal. i now eat lunch when my colleagues are leaving, finish work when the last shops close, tackle household chores in the evening, watch some TV after midnight, then sleep until about ten in the morning. as i'm not home in the afternoons any longer, i now shower at noon. as soon as i've figured out how to further bring everything forward by just a couple of hours, everything will be perfect.

nex isn't here. true to the spirit of being ahead of everyone else, the author set this story to automatically appear at a later time.